You know Lord, there are times when we make mistakes and when we sin. We do the right thing for the wrong reason. Or we do the wrong thing for the right reason. And we even do the wrong thing for the wrong reason. I've done all of those things at one time or another - the right thing for the wrong reason, the wrong thing for the right reason, and the wrong thing for the wrong reason.
None of those are the case for me this time. I've searched my heart many times. I sought spiritual counsel. I believe I did the right thing for the right reason. My heart is convicted that my actions were right, my motives were right.
But I am praying the price. Months later. And I am still paying the price. Why is doing the right thing for the right reason so very costly? Why am I paying the price? Where is justice? Where is Your justice? Where are You? What happened to that, "lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world" stuff? I don't feel Your justice. I cannot see You.
When will the hurting end? When will I see something good come out of this? When will something good come out of all of the bad stuff that happened after I did the right thing, for the right reason? When will Your blessing be seen?
Oh God, give me glasses that I might see Your face. Give me medicine that will take away the ache. And give me patience as You work things out for me.